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25 Random Funny Quotes To Make Your Day – We all love a little humor don’t we? Here’s 25 random quotes that will make your day a little bit better.

25 Funny Quotes You’ll Love:
1. “Behind every great man is woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

2. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg

3. “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” – Anthony Burgess

4. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” – Steve Martin

5. “Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?” – Anonymous

6. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams

7. “I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.” – Carl Sandburg

8. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

9. “The best way to lie is to tell the truth . . . carefully edited truth.” – Anonymous

10. “I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

11. “A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin Jones

12. “If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research.” – Wilson Mizner

13. “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – Joan Rivers

14. “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” – W.C. Fields

15. “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hacket

16. “Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.” – Anonymous

17. “If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they’d never marry.” – O. Henry

18. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock

19. “Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?” – Anonymous

20. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” – Ronald Reagan

21. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield

22. “I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.” – Steven Wright

23. “I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.” – Anonymous

24. “If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.” – Henny Youngman

25. “Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson


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